It was the most unforgettable moment in my life. I’ve been through an experience which I don’t think I can handle it anymore in the future. May Allah will always guide me to have a this strong faith and belief towards what’s right in His side. I admit, you are really precious in my life, but I’ve realized there is something that is way more important and valuable from our love. And in order to reach the most precious and important, I need to choose either one…
That night, the gathering was ended early. At 10, everybody was free to do as they wish. The organizer understood our conditions. Everyone must be very exhausted after having a whole day of tiring journey to the program site. They would be surely not hoping for the tentative to be extended till midnight.
Then suddenly something was tickling my guts to ask a question to one of the facilitators in the seminar room. A question which has haunting my mind for years. I was thinking that it was the best time to ask him about this matter ; coupling. But I was hesitated. ‘What if it’s true, coupling is prohibited in Islam? Should I clash? Aaah, forget it. No worries. Just ask him and go. I’ve done nothing wrong.’
Slowly I approach the brother’s side. He is reading the Quran Translation by himself.
“Assalamu’alaikum Brother. I’ve a question which is bothering me. Do you mind if I ask you something?”
“Wa’alaikumussalam. Not at all. Have a seat.”
“Erm, the story is some kind like this. Before engaged with this da’wah, I’ve already get to know a friend, a girl. But we were not just an ordinary friend. Can be categorized as best friend. Quite a what so called, close friends.”
“You are in love?” he asked then.
I’m very shy to admit that I was coupling. Can’t imagine what the brother would say. He must be angry. But, what excuse can be given? I then nod my head.
“Actually, does coupling is allowed in Islam?”
With a soft intonation, he replies:
“Akhi, it’s a normal human tendency, the male will be attracted to the female, and vice versa, the female will be attracted to the male. But in Islam, the natural tendency must be controlled and channel to the right place. The social interaction have its limiting boundary. Allah said in the Holly Book, in Surah Al-Israa, Chapter 17, verse 32 :
And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse (zina). Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.”
“But, I didn’t see what me and her are doing right now is a path leading to zina. Out intentions are pure. We have been trying our best to avoid any sinful acts. Our SMS were never to be about romance. Even we alternately giving tazkirah for each other. Today my turn and tomorrow she’s. What is wrong with all this?”
I don’t want to give up.
“It’s true, your intention is pure. But one thing we all must remember, our intention will never make a bad deeds become halal. The wrongdoing will always remain as a wrongdoing, and the truth will always remain as a truth. Let us see this verse.”
He then showed me his Translations and pointed to this verse:
How the people of Ad and Thamud were destroyed is evident to you from their homes. Satan made their deeds seem attractive to them and prevented them from the right path, even though they had visions.
[Al-Ankabut, Chapter 29, Verse 38]
“Akhi, if you understand what Allah is trying to tell us from this verse, what is happening to you is the Syaitan have vague up your view. He have made your deeds seems attractive and good to you. Even though you have a good vision, which is you have deep knowledge in religion. Moreover, it can’t be all the while in your SMS with her, only Allah is in your mind. There must be moments that you just entertaining your desire with her, isn’t it?”
His words likely to be true…
“It’s true, but we have made a deal. We won’t go out for dating anymore. Because if we meet, it will leads to many sinful acts. And she has agreed. We consistently watch over our acts. Do all these acts still lead us to zina?” I bombarded him with all the excuses.
“Yes, you are right with that. When you didn’t see her anymore, you will avoid your eyes, hands and legs from doing zina. And if you agreed not to call her anymore, you will avoid your ear and tounge from zina. But akhi, there will still a zina that you won’t be able to avoid while coupling.”
“Zina of the heart?” I guessed.
“Yes. The zina of the heart. These is what our beloved Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him explained in one of his hadith about approaching zina. You can recheck in Riyadh As-Sholihin, a book of hadith written by Al-Imam An-Nawawi, under the chapter of prohibition of looking at women. The Prophet explained that the zina of eye is seeing. The zina of tongue is talking. The zina of hands is holding. The zina of legs is walking towards sin. And The zina of heart is is to desire, to remember and imagining the girl. The truth is, you will never avoid your heart from doing zina while coupling."
I was silent still. Speechless. Can’t find a right word to say. All that he said was true. Nothing seems to be deniable. And then he continues.
“Actually, I’ve been to this coupling life. And mine is longer than you. It starts since I was in secondary school until I was almost completed my study in the university. But when I realized that what I’m doing is wrong, I left it immediately. I even have imagine that she will be my future bride, the one that will raise up my children. But praised to Allah, he showed me a better way. Now I’ve married, with someone which is way better than her. Compared to your problem, mine is bigger to solve.”
“But bro,I’m worried. What wil her friends said if we break. I’m the one who really want us to be together. And I used to request their help to put us together. I’m sure that they all will be really mad at me. And my most concern is about her. What if she can’t accept the truth and done something stupid. We have been really close to each other."
“Even if her friends become mad at you, it doesn’t change anything. What can they do? The worst is the will badmouthing you at your back. Nothing to be loses. Furthermore in da’wah, we want to find Allah’s redha. Just ignore all of those badmouthing towards you. What’s important is Allah’s Redha. Mardhatillah. If Allah didn’t redha, everything else will be useless.
Again, speechless is the choice.
“And about her, let us think from the positive side. Maybe she will accept your decision full of maturity. Maybe this will be her turning point to improve herself and she also won’t be coupling anymore. I’m sure that she won’t be doing those stupid things. Even if she does, it’s not your responsibility. Everybody will be asked for what he or she have done, not others. That is because she’s the one who chose to act in that way.”
That’s it. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t resist myself from crying. It is all crystal clear now. It is very clear that coupling is prohibited in Islam, haram.
“So, what should I do?”
“When I realized about the truth, I just send her one SMS. I explained to her that our relationship is actually not allowed in Islam. Hope we can end it here. Please don’t look for me anymore. Then I change my phone number. Since that time, I’ve never contacted her anymore.”
“Does it means I can’t contact her anymore after this? But I also have other female friends, why can I contact them?”
“Different case applies for her. You already have ‘history’ with her. But if someday you and her will been to the same university fatefully, study in the same course, and needed to work in a group, at that time you just need to treat her as a normal group partner.”
Then this thought came to my mind.
‘Does he want me to break up now? This very night? Wasn’t it’s too soon?’
“Bro, I think I still don’t have the guts to do this. Can I wait till I’m have the will to do so?”
The sentence is just another excuse. But surprisingly he replies,
“Akhi, there’s one thing you need to know. We can’t wait for the guts or strength to come, we need to build it. Even Allah won’t change the condition of a nation until they change their own condition. You can refer to Surah Ar-Ra’du, Chapter 13, verse 11. Moreover, till when will you want to leave this sin. If you want to know, most of the facilitators you’ve seen here were coupling before. But when the engaged with da’wah, they left it.”
I guess there is no way out. This brother really insists me to clash at this instant.
“Everything is crystal clear now. It seems that I have no choice other than leaving this thing, isn’t it? It feels really hard to press this phone keypad. Feeling incapable to do so.”
“In that case let me type it for you.”
“Eh, no need. Let me do it myself.”
I’m very doubtful at that time. But I enforce myself to do so.
‘Everything is clear now. What for is my doubt? There’s no mean for me to dawdle. I can’t imagine if this feeling to do what’s right is taken back by Allah, I don’t know when I will be granted with this hidayah again. Furthermore, I always pray so that I can leave every sins that still left in me. I’m sure this is the right time.’
Slowly, the message is typed…
"Assalamualaikum..Actually our relationship is not allowed in Islam. I thought that by changing the way we interact, it have been allowed, but it’s still remain as sin. I hope that you will be istiqomah carrying on with all the good changes you’ve done, for Allah sake. I’m sorry for everything happened between us. If we were written to be together, we will meet again. Assalamu’alaikum.."
It was really hard to send the SMS. I still can’t afford to say goodbye. That’s why in the message I only end with Assalamu’alaikum. After a while, I pushed the send button.
Then, it was written on the phone screen,
I felt that half of my life has taken away with the message. It’s unbelievable. I’ve send one SMS and break up with you.
“No prob, it’s my responsibility.”
That night is the longest night in my life. I slept with tears running all over my cheek . Unbelievable. Totally unbelievable. I have never thought of breaking up, but actually that is the best for us. Suddenly I recalled this verse 216 from Surah Al-Baqarah, chapter 2,
You may not like something which, in fact, is for your good and something that you may love, in fact, may be evil. God knows, but you do not know.
The time goes on. I try to make myself busy with anything else other than you. In order to forget about you, it is not easy, but I keep on trying. I always make tazkirah, remind others about the truth. I try to show them the right path according what I found in the Quran and Hadith I’ve learned. I ask them to change. Leave all the sins. Some of them accepted my da’wah. Some of them began to hate me. This time you are not there to hear my all sadness. But I’ve found a better place to lean, to Him, Allah The Al-Hearing.
One morning, after a long silence, I receive a SMS from you. You send me a picture of a flower. And at the end you wrote,
"As beauty as the first touch...
I can feel that you still can’t stop thinking about us. I decided to emphasize my statement. And then I send you the SMS. And it was the last.
"Nothing is more beauty than having Allah’s Redha, Mardhatillah..without without Mardhatillah everything is useless, even the beauty of the first touch...
Assalamu’alaikum..I know I’ve said that if we we written to be together, insya-Allah we will meet in the end. But I hope you are not waiting for it. Forget about me. Let Allah do His job.
One more thing,
Don’t seek for human’s love..
It is full with betrayal,
Full of frustration,
and it is temporary.
Seek for Allah’s love,
It is full of loyalty,
Full of satisfaction,
and it is eternal.
That’s the eternal and perfect love,
The Ultimate Love...
I’ve made up my mind. And I’m very sure that what I’m doing is right. I do this for Mardhatillah. Allah will give me in return, something which is the best for me. And I will never turning back.
NEVER…FOREVER AND EVER…
[In the nature of things,] corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men, for corrupt women - just as good women are for good men, and good men, for good women. [Since God is aware that] these are innocent of all that evil tongues may impute to them, forgiveness of sins shall be theirs, and a most excellent sustenance!